Lloyd = Lemar

Ever noticed how much Watford full-back Lloyd Doyley looks like Fame Academy graduate and 'nu-soul' dispenser Lemar? Well, he does. Have you ever seen them in a room together?

Lemar Doyley has been singing about Saturday's game:

I thought we did really, really well in the first half but after half time we dropped off a little. I think it's fair to say that we're happy with a point.

Which is a bit more realistic than Aidy's proclamations.

Hearts update - Hartley fears the worst from Romanov, surely the oddest man to run a football club since... well, all the rest.

Sol Davis update - he could be out for between three and six months. Better that he makes a full recovery rather than worrying how long he will be out of the side.

Nil-Nil, and Robbo's Rage

Another game, another draw. And briefly out of the drop-zone, until Blackburn ballsed it up for us this afternoon.

Watford really got at Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur from the get-go, Boothroyd's usual line-out routine replaced by Tommy Smith tearing down the wing and putting in a decent cross. More of him later.

Aaron Lennon looked lively and could have had the pig's bladder in the onion bag were it not for a few smart saves from Foster.

After the rather neanderthal and ultra-direct display against Hull it was a welcome surprise to see the team get the ball down and knock it about. Jay DeMerit even got amongst the tricks and flicks with a rather curious (but entirely welcome) back-heeled clearance from underneath the crossbar.

The now weekly "Did he really just miss that?" award goes to Smith for his attempt to put the ball in the allotments from three yards. Other than that, it was his best game since his return to the Watford. Wee Ash went closer (much closer, actually) but his neat finish was disallowed for offside. Wrongly. Boothroyd, reading from his moron's guide to statistics and averages and sounding out each word phonetically, claims:

Looking at it objectively, if we keep doing what we're doing then we'll create more chances and statistically we're owed some goals.

I just hope they don't all come at once and we can spread them out over a season and win more than our fair share of matches.

Which confuses the argument a little bit, really. But all in all, a decent performance against a decent side. Boro (who aren't a decent side) are up next and I fancy us to break our duck. But I've been saying that for a couple of months now.

Down with the proles in those horrible semi-pro leagues, former Hornet and professional hot-head Paul Robinson got himself sent off for elbowing Brum's Damen Johnson, breaking his jaw. I haven't seen the incident but Robbo maintains his innocence. There's a surprise.

Happy to see Luton get stuffed 5-0 at Ipswich. Horrible to see that Sol Davis suffered a stroke on the way down yesterday. Best wishes to him for a full and speedy recovery.

Big Ben, Barcode Battlers and Big Bother

After Aidy took a bit of stick in the papers recently, Ben Foster has been full of praise for his gaffer in an interview on the OS:

He's the best I've worked with so far and every time I go and play football I feel brilliant, I feel like I can do anything and that's the confidence he instils in you.

A chance at a full season with him, in one of the best leagues in the world, is invaluable.

You can't buy experience like this. I don't think being on the bench or being number three at Man United would have done me any good.

Which is nice. Also, we've got Newcastle at home in the next round of the cup. A chance to see what we could've won (AKA Giuseppe Rossi).

Tottingham tomorrow at home. They've had it a bit shit of late. But you would struggle to see anyone have it as shit as Hearts - their Dictator Vladimir Romanov seems to have finally lost it completely.

Vote Early, Vote Often

Watford fan Don Fraser is up for the October Fan of the Month award on the BBC Five Live website.

If you don't know who Don is, click on the link to find out exactly why you should vote for him.

What are you doing still here?

Motormouth

One of the more interesting things about last night's game was the guy sat behind us. I've never heard anyone speak so fast in my entire life.

"c'monboothroydsortitaht"

Every thought I had, he expressed it quicker and louder than I could ever hope to.

"refyouaintgotascoobyaveya"

I looked around to check if he had go-faster stripes on his jaw. It turned out he had, but their primary use appeared to be for ingesting food as fast as possible. A bounty of pie cases, hotdog wrappers and Coke cans surrounded him like a particularly smelly comfort blanket. Gawd bless 'im.

"fackinellgavputyafootonit"

The game? 2-1, or something. Foster kicked it a lot and Doris did a cartwheel down the touchline at one point.

The Neverending Story, and 10 Free Pints

After Saturday's display of total(ly shit) football against The Goonies, pub quiz favourites* Hull City are next up in the eternal search for a victory.

Aidy says he's going to put out a stronger XI than started against Accrington. Not particularly difficult. Marlon faces a race to be fit, but I suspect Priskin will get a game, if only to check whether he's learned to kick, head or control a ball yet.

Tottingham, Boro and Chelsea up soon. Whoops. Let's hope Westam continue their suicidal march to Division 2 and Charlton continue to apall everyone with their whiff-tastic brand of football. Getting cut adrift now would be a serious problem.

* You can't fill in any of the letters, see?

Blog of the Week

Yellow Fever is blog of the week on Who Ate All The Pies. Which is a pretty decent read, actually.

No interesting Watford news today. Players near milestones - boring. Chambers helps Cardiff to victory - who cares. Reserves near top of table - like, whatever. It says a lot when the most interesting thing today is Arsenal foetus Cesc Fabregas signing an 8-year contract. 8 years? I don't even know what I'm going to be doing in 8 minutes.

I managed to balls up yesterday's promised site improvement. No surprise there - this is a man who managed to break his company's website three times in three different ways one day last week. It's a wonder they don't strap my hands to my sides and dictate my work for other people to do.

Oh wait - that's what's scheduled for next week. D'oh.

"You broke your blog, you donut!"

I'm attempting to add a new feature to the side bar of this blog. Bear with me in case it goes tits-up, as it involves more hackery than I'm used to.

Carry on.

Red Hot Chili Peppers

Do you enjoy taking produce to Watford games? If so, you're a bit of a mentalist and you should get your crazy brain looked at.

Shoot over to BHaPPY anyway - but not before getting your hands on a load of chilis.

B-Day, and Young Man!

It's B-Day on Saturday - bottom day. No, Elton isn't planning on attending (well, he hasn't rung me about it), but we play Charlton for the right, nay honour, to be bottom of the Prem. The Addicks lost at Flam last night leaving them a point and 3 goals behind us.

So, a relegation six-pointer in October? The Charlton fans are already calling for Sloth's head if we beat them. And beat them we shall! Huzzah, etc.

Newborn Harry Forrester scored twice for Watford U18s recently and has been called up again to the England U16s. A star in the making? I've heard only good things. Not from his teachers, mind. Plays too much football apparently.

Capital Idea, and 'Soccer' not 'Soca'

London's Watford, despite being thought of Hertfordshire-ese by some morons, are up for several BBC London Sport awards. Aidy and Young Ashley in particular, plus the team as a whole, are up for a buncha gongs. So go forth and vote-rig ala Belle and Sebastian.

Rumours continue that we're after Luton's Soca warrior Carlos Edwards, this time in exchange for Matt Spring and a sack of cash marked 'undisclosed'. Can't see it myself. Certainly can't see Newcastle being in for him. Although the last line of that story made me laugh... oh, how we laughed.

You've got to hand it to Big Sam. With Cech and Cudicini crocked, he offers Jose Ian Walker. Cheeky sod.

Flam vs Charlton has just kicked off. I've been a bit concerned by this game, as Fulham looked utter toilet against us until we out-toiletted them. Fortunately Heidar is playing, so hopefully he can bag a brace. Of injured Charlton keepers, that is.

No Great Surprise, and Sloth From The Goonies

I'm not sure what was more predictable - the defeat against 13-time English Champions and Champions League finalists Arsenal, or the subsequent moaning from Watford fans about the result. Arsenal simply stopped us playing, and had we been able to raise our game then the likes of Henry and Fabregas would have just shifted up another gear. The same as against Man Utd, and probably the same as will happen against Chelsea.

Charlton play Fulham on Monday night and if they win then we go bottom. Iain Dowie hasn't exactly got off to the best of starts at the Valley (their worst ever Premiership start, in fact) and he'd better make sure he uses all his bouncebackability. The ugly fucker.

Conference Action, and JC Superstar

No, not the Nationwide Conference (or Vauxhall Conference, if you prefer, you old fogeys) - but a work-related fiasco. Very boring indeed.

James Chambers is off to Championship pace-setters Cardiff on loan. A curious decision given that he is surely next in line for a place in the defence roster (copyright Jay DeMerit).

See you anon - maybe at Ashburton Grove? I'll be the one in the yellow shirt. No Time Machine Report this time, but I smell a surprise victory. But it might be my feet.

Time Machine Reports - Croatia vs England

Another torpid England performance resulted in a 3-0 defeat against Croatia at the Bosko Balaban stadium last night.

Steve McClaren made several unusual team selections, including fielding three lions in midfield alongside a cardboard cut-out of Stewart Downing. All four performed to a much higher standard than in Saturday's game against Macedonia, but to no avail.

Problems began as early as the third minute as Wayne Rooney was needlessly sent off for lashing out at Stewart Downing's cut-out and shouting "If you'd gone past your man like that on Saturday we'd've been alright!". He was followed down the tunnel soon after when Rio Ferdinand decided to perform some on-field japery for his new TV show "You've Been Merked".

For the remaining 80 minutes England's 5 men, 3 lions and 1 cardboard cut-out struggled to put more than 2 passes together, and when the lions were sent off for attempting to maul Slaven Bilic, England fell apart. 3 goals in as many minutes from Croatia early in the second half put the game beyond Steve McClaren's team.

England's Ire, and Marlon's a Gooner

Another strong performance from Steve's lop-sided England on Saturday against European heavyweights Macedonia. England battled to a nil-nil draw despite losing Michael Carrick and Stewart Downing to laziness early in the game. England's stoic display was tarnished by the introduction of Shaun Wright-Phillips, who took the unusual choice of being a winger and attempting to take on his man, something Downing had clearly been instructed to avoid.

Ash got another 25-odd minutes for the U21s and helped them to a 1-0 victory. The goal was a belter, a trademark Leighton Baines piledriver.

Marlon was on Soccer AM on Saturday. Aidy wouldn't allow him to appear until he had finished training, much to the amusement of Lovejoy and Chamberlain. Being a Gooner, he must be looking forward to Saturday's trip to Ashburton Grove - a team we traditionally do well against in the top flight.

On Hameur Bouazza

Watford speedster Hameur Bouazza ('Hammer Boozer' to commentators nationwide) has enjoyed a bit of a renaissance in recent weeks. The movement of Ashley further forward has left a space for a winger, and Hameur's oddly-shaped head fits that space comfortably at the moment.

He's confounding expectations. He can't shoot? What about that goal against Wigan. He can't cross? He put it on a plate for Ashley against Flam. He just needs to work on his consistency and he could find himself very hard to shift from that position. When he went out on loan to Swindon last year I never in a million years expected him to be in this position - but I'm pleased to be proved wrong.

Anyway, make your own Hameur Bouazza from cardboard and crisps with this handy cut-out-and-keep guide:

• Take one empty toilet roll tube. This will be Hameur's cyclindrical head.
• Attach two Skips. These will be his odd sticky-out ears.
• Attach one Dorito (it doesn't matter what flavour). This will be his nose.
• Draw on a couple of sullen-looking eyes with a marker pen.

To 'play' with your new doll, roll it up and down the living room or garden at high speed. For added authenticity you can shout "Pazza le ball, le Marlon", or alternatively just say nothing and look moody.

Pimp My Trip

Here at Yellow Fever we have a team of subservient underlings carrying out inconsequential tasks designed merely to boost our own egos. Colin Simpson wears in our new Italian loafers, Richard Flash blows on our soup to cool it down, and we get Jason Drysdale to fire off smug-sounding letters to ig and Matt about what car he drives. Steve Talboys manages our army of prostitutes.

That's right, Yellow Fever is also in the pimping game. So we have absolutely no qualms about passing on ticket requests - because we know we're going to get something good in return. As the man says, don't hate the player, hate the game.

Meet Matt Prout. Matt is 32 years old and is a long-term Watford fan who has worked overseas for the last two seasons. He is coming back for the Arsenal game but - d'oh - he is without ticket. If anyone out there has even an ounce of compassion they will surely do everything in their power to see this situation turn out for the best. If you can help, get in touch with Matt by email. It's matt(at)cricketlogistics.com.

We've Got Ashley Young

Young Ashley Young's performance in the Fulham farce-fest has seen him rise to 5th in the Actim Index. Rather than an index of probiotic yoghurt drinks, this is some sort of measure of how good you are at football. And in the company of such luminaries as Ivan Campo and Gary Speed, it must be accurate.

All of which leads me to wonder where Ash is in the England pecking order. Above Beckham, presumably. If Ashley can keep up his recent form until Christmas, and put in a few good games for the U21s, I think we'll see him overtake the likes of Kieran "can't get a club game" Richardson.

At least then we'll have a Watford player in the England squad with 'Watford' written next to his name. Foster (Man Utd) just doesn't look right.