Transfer round-up

A-hoy hoy. Illness means we can catch up with a few transfer rumours.

Firstly, Aidy's escalating striker problems have led him to the door of Atromitus FC's Rafik Djebbour (no, me neither). Quite whether he is another Marlon King (The Answer) or Tamas Priskin (The Question Mark) is uncertain, but he's 19 and has scored 6 goals in 12 games so far this year. But those other teams include the splendidly monikered Skoda Xanthi. Whatever, he's apparently been on trial at the club recently and impressed.

Another name mentioned is Ray Jones. Despite sounding like a 50s American bluesman, he is in fact a teenage striker currently knocking 'em in for QPR. Other clubs linked with him include Liverpool and Arsenal, so let's quietly move on.

Also reported today is Gordon Strachan's desire to bring Danny Shittu to Celtic. Despite the odd defensive blunder and spell upfront, Big Bad Danny has been one of the pluses this season, and his relationship with the rather more mobile Jay DeMerit could yet blossom into something quite strong. I can't imagine we would sell him in January - if he fulfills the mystery criteria involved in his transfer fee he could yet turn out to be our record signing. These probably involve Watford staying up, the club keeping 10 clean sheets and Danny recording this year's Christmas number one.

Aidy's special e-newsletter: 29 November

Here at Yellow Fever we have been fortunate* to come across the next edition of Aidy's regular e-missive. Please note this is before proofing, editing, content checking etc, and so the final newsletter may change. We present it below for your reading pleasure.

*stole it off a bloke's computer

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Hi everyone

Still learning!

What a lesson last's night's game was, eh? As I've said before, this Watford team learns something from every game - win or (more likely) lose. Yesterday we learned all kinds of good things! I filled my little book with useful ideas that will certainly help us get three points in our next game.

Danny Shittu coming on in an attacking role helped us learn that we need more strikers - I knew there was something I forgot to do in the summer! He is improving though, and will be challenging Jay DeMerit for a striking place soon. I left Priskin on the bench because he was learning lots of new tricks on his yo-yo that I bought him, and that will aid his overall development.

I liked it best when we created all that noise! I know that everyone loved it when Richard Short sang Yellow Army down the tannoy, even when you guys were singing something else. That's the sort of confusion we like to create to give us all that extra 1% over the opposition.

After the game there were a lot of tired bodies. They really did give their all last night, even though it might have looked like they couldn't be bothered! I gave them all 9's for effort, and a gold sticker that they can put in their achievement books.

Watch out Europe, here come the Hornets!

Come on!

Transfer Round-Up

As many have noted, a potential barrier to getting any decent players in is our lowly league position. That must be a contributing factor to why we've been linked for the nth time with Ade Akinbiyi, rather than anyone under 30 and that can hit a cow's arse with a banjo. Please god, no.

Another name this morning is Gillingham's winger Matt Jarvis. I've seen him play before and he looks pretty good - but Aidy recently suggested he didn't want to collect any more wingers in his Watford FC Top Trumps set. Or was that whingers? Quite where this leaves the reputed bid for Carlos Edwards is anyone's guess.

Sheff Utd

Over on BHaPPY (where they ponder important stuff and take produce to games), Matt Rowson writes about the importance of tomorrow night's game against The Blades.

The most important game of the season so far, and despite Aidy's probable post-match comments, much of this seasons's destiny rides on the result. Despite us not playing this weekend, looking at the league table on Sunday evening was the first time it occured to me that we might be, as the French say, in le shit. Defeat (or rather, failure to win) against Sheff Utd would be a bodyblow, as Aidy, Malky and co are revealing. Especially considering they've been absolute toilet away from home so far this season.

So the top brass are all encouraging noise, noise and more noise to help gee up the team and put the wind up the opposition. I'm half-expecting Graham Simpson to come out and suggest we all arrive tooled up, wearing balaclavas in an attempt to intimidate the opposition that extra 1%. I'm going to do it anyway, in case he forgets.

Aidy and Perry Go Large

Yellow Fever's friends over at Arseblog are running a terrific campaign - to get terrace legend Perry Groves' autobiography selling more copies than that utter cretin Ashley Cole. Brilliantly, it working; he's even outselling England prankster Rio Ferdinand and England lard-arse Frank Lampard.

Elsewhere Aidy has been let off by the FA after suggesting that poor officials should be put in the stocks, after they decided his comments were sufficiently tongue in cheek.

In what was surely the strongest line-up for many years (if not ever), the stiffs beat Chelsea 3-1 last night. Before that, Chelsea had only conceded 3 goals in 6 games. Tally ho!

C'mon Ref!

Another week, another defeat and more bad luck. Not only in the result - I doubt any Pompey fans would've decried Watford a point - but in injuries too. Yellow Fever heart-throb Hameur Bouazza took a knock to his ankle early on and only lasted for half an hour, while Ben Foster was replaced at half time by Tricky Dicky Lee after what seemed to be a recurrence of his recent knee injury.

All Watford fans know how important Ben Foster is to the team, and in the event of any lasting injury he'll be sorely missed. Unfortunately you always get the feeling that Fergie would rather be safe than sorry and get him under the surgeon's knife, if needed.

Hameur has been a revelation this year and is currently one of our most exciting attacking threats. It reinforces, if reinforcing were necessary, the lack of strength in depth on the wings and upfront. Sigh.

Aidy made a few comments after the game that might see him get a cane to the backside. He's right, to a point; we have been the unfortunate recipients of some dodgy refereeing decisions this season, but you get the impression that a more potent firing line would have made more of the chances presented to us.

Why not the Yorkie Stadium?

Flying foetus Harry Forrester has been called up by England U16s for the game against Scotland, which takes place Friday 8 December at York's KitKat Crescent (yes, really). Harry was involved with the first team in preseason and looks an excellent prospect. He's played 6 times for Watford U18s this season, scoring twice.

The Mirror today reports that Aidy is going to revive his bid for Luton winger Carlos Edwards. Elsewhere David James declares his love for Watford.

Breaking team news - Mackay in for DeMerit and Spring in for Francis, who is left out altogether.

Marlon Says You're A...

Marlon King, friend of assistant referees everywhere, has today responded to whoever started the rumours that he lamped Aidy during training. He says it's not true, and anyone who thinks differently should step outside.

Followers of total football will surely place Arsenal's free-flowing late 80s and early 90s sides right up there with Cruyff's Netherlands team of the mid 70s. Therefore it goes without saying that professional carthorse Tony Adams is perfectly placed and qualified to describe Watford as "a throwback to the old Wimbledon days". Tosser.

Don't forget your Peppers at Pompey tomorrow.

Striker Light

Today's Daily Express (the self proclaimed 'World's Greatest Newspaper) quotes Aidy as fearing Watford's ability to get a decent striker in the January sales if we are still languishing in the Premiership's nether regions. Recent names mentioned include David Healy (maybe), Carlton Cole (no thanks), David Nugent (yes please) and Andriy Shevchenko (past it).

Rumours abound that Aidy has arranged a £3m deal with a player to be completed in Jan, which might rule out Nugent after a £6m sticker was stapled to his face by Preston manager Paul Simpson. Arsenal's Nicklas Bendtner might be a good loan signing, but apparently Arsene has agreed to let him stay at Brum for the remainder of the season.

Speaking of strikers, Tamas Priskin scored the only goal in Hungary's friendly win over Canada last night. Ben Foster was on the bench for England but unsuprisingly didn't feature.

Away at Play Up Pompey on Saturday. After a excellent start they've had an indifferent run of form, but still lie in 6th. A reasonable test and I can't see many goals.

Wowie Dowie

Iain Dowie, a man with a face so ugly he makes onions cry, was tonight kicked out of the door marked 'mutual consent' by wooden spoon chasers Charlton. What does this mean for the Addicks' fortunes? Well, Jonathan Fortune probably loves it; he'll get a game now.

Fan's Forum tomorrow night at the Vic. A prize* to anyone who can get the board to fund a super-sized bronze bust of Nigel Gibbs and put it in one of the new corner developments of the stadium.

James Chambers is back from Cardiff, Mike Newell has 'apologised' for his remarks over the weekend, and Alex Ferguson is a purple-nosed tosser. Not all of that will be news to you.

* not legally binding

Turned Over, and Women's Work

0-4. Easily the best team we've played this year, and the scoreline could've been worse. Drogba's transformation from carthorse into thoroughbred continues to intrigue me - on this form, he's a shoe-in for the Golden Boot.

Mike 'Pankhurst' Newell, friend of the downtrodden, has spouted some particularly offensive rubbish about women officiating at football matches:

She shouldn't be here. I know that sounds sexist but I am sexist. This is not park football, so what are women doing here?

Next week: Newell on the 'coloureds'.

Flags of Convenience

Yellow Fever was raised to treat all men equally. And after a few heavy slaps round the chops from many a fair maiden, we've also learned to treat all women equally too. But if Yellow Fever was to have a favourite player, it would probably be Hameur Bouazza.

His is a triumph against the odds so great that Disney wouldn't make a film about it for fear of getting laughed out of Tinseltown. The Daily Star wouldn't touch the story as they didn't want to lose their credibility. Westlife wouldn't sing a syrupy ballad about it because it's just too unbelievable. But lo and behold, after 3 years of sporadic appearances and being sent to Swindon on loan, he's a regular starter for us in the Premiership. Like, whoa. And now he could be Watford's latest (yeah, we know) international.

Algeria (Fifa ranking 73, below Burkino Faso, Oman and the Republic of Ireland) want to take Hameur's career to new heights by representing the country of his parents. But it appears young Hameur is ready to play pin the tail on the cheese-eating surrender monkey and declare his intention to play for France, his actual country of birth. Take note Vieira, Makelele, Zidane etc.

We love you, Hameur. We're going to sponsor your ears next year.

You Wins Some, You Lose Some (on penalties)

So, Boro. Yellow Fever goes off on a jolly and immediately Watford pick up their first league win of the season. Clearly the two are linked, so you'll be relieved to know that we've changed our forthcoming Saturday afternoon plans to involve DIY, car washing and sitting in a dark corner with the radio off and our fingers in our ears. Huzzah! Europe here we come!

Then the barcodes come to town and do us on penalties. Not even the brick Shittu house's first goal for Watford could save us. It'll have to be the FA Cup this year, boys.

£48 Chelsea next, then. If you haven't already bought a ticket, don't bother. Money-grabbing bastards. If you have, take some onions.

(I Don't Want To Go To) Chelsea

Elvis Costello certainly had a point. Tickets for the Chelsea-Watford game a week Saturday are selling like shit sandwiches, with over 1500 still available. Nobody wants to go to Chelsea, and at £48, who could blame them? Add in a pint, pie and programme and you're already looking at £60.

The Reverend Jay DeMerit has been bigging up the boys. On the official site he talks about his frustration that the defence's clean sheets aren't being capitalised on by the misfiring forward line. Yes Tommy, he's talking about you.

Boro tomorrow. Richard Lee is waiting in the wings as England's Ben Foster has a dicky knee.

On Hollyday

Yellow Fever is abroad, scouting players for WFC.

OK, I'm scouting new beers and wines. Will report back soon. I'll miss the Boro game, so we'll obviously win that.