Armchair Fan's Second Half Woe

0:28
Foul by Gary Doherty (Norwich) on John Eustace (Watford). Direct free kick taken right-footed by John Eustace (Watford) from left channel, passed.

When I was around 10-years-old I was regularly attending Watford home games with my Dad, standing on the old family terrace. We went to very few away games however, so I used to follow our fortunes on the road via the medium of BBC Ceefax.

8:10
Defending throw-in by Adrian Mariappa (Watford).

I'd be glued to the rotating three pages for our division, hoping the next time it came around we'd have scored. Or the opposition had had a player sent off. That was all you could hope for, because that was the only information you got.

10:30 GOAL - Dan Shittu
Watford 1 - Norwich 0

Inswinging corner from left by-line taken right-footed by Jobi McAnuff (Watford) to centre, headed goal by Dan Shittu (Watford) (top-right of goal) from right side of six-yard box (6 yards).Watford 1-0 Norwich. Assist (cross) by Jobi McAnuff (Watford) from right by-line.

Yes - get in!
Times have changed. We now live in an era of Multimedia communications, I don't follow games via Ceefax anymore - my wife wants to watch Eastenders! No, instead I follow the games via the live text updates on the BBC sport website. Here information is more readily available, though whether it's actually useful information is debatable.

35:48
Foul by Darius Henderson (Watford) on Mark Fotheringham (Norwich). Direct free kick taken right-footed by David Marshall (Norwich) from own half, resulting in open play.

Is this information actually useful. Does the armchair fan want to know about every foul by big Doris?

45:00 (0:47)
Cross by Leigh Bromby (Watford), save (punched) by David Marshall (Norwich).

Half Time

Make myself tea. It's all going very well. Bristol are losing at Charlton and the Baggies are being held at Hillsborough. All good.

56:51
Attacking throw-in by Mohammed Camara (Norwich).

What does that mean? Does he have a monster Bromby-style throw? I am getting tense now.

76:14
Inswinging corner from right by-line taken left-footed by Jordan Stewart (Watford) to centre, clearance by Dion Dublin (Norwich).

Well Duh! All corners are taken from the by-line. Who has to write this guff? I know for certain the Jordan Stewart is unlikely to have beaten the first man with a corner, so what does "to centre" mean?

80:57 GOAL - Jamie Cureton
Watford 1 - Norwich 1

Goal by Jamie Cureton (Norwich) drilled right-footed (bottom-left of goal) from left channel (25 yards).Watford 1-1 Norwich. Assist (pass) by Lee Croft (Norwich) from left channel.

Bum, I know what that means. Check other scores, McCombe has equalised for Bristol City. This evening is turning bad.

84:17
Inswinging corner from right by-line taken left-footed by Jordan Stewart (Watford) to centre, clearance by Juan Velasco (Norwich).

Will someone stop letting him take Corners.

90:00 (0:19)
Shot by John-Joe O'Toole (Watford) right-footed from centre of penalty area (12 yards), save (tipped round post) by David Marshall (Norwich).

Oooo so close. I hold my head in my hands. I realise I have no idea if that was close or not.

Full Time

Oh no, and now Kevin bloody Phillips has got a last-gasp winner for West Brom. This is all going wrong.

Am not feeling so confident about next Tuesday now, but I do know that it is absolutely huge, and the nervous anticipation is cranked up yet another notch.